The Pit

The Pit Metaphore...(see Adelene's blog for the discussion).http://angelshelper81.livejournal.com/

the thing on my mind right now... that keeps coming up...is allowing thoughts to surface and then move on. In talking over the past few months with Gaya, Fael, Adelene, Pema and now Pila...I have seen that it would be useful to do this..and that it is a large part of meditation.

Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be in my skill set. What is in my skill set is eliding thoughts, supressing thoughts, beating back thoughts with a stick (or pillow) if necessary. As I said to Adelene...I started early and kept adding skills to my repetoire.

Which leads to the following: Depression, anxiety, innattention to my own pain and discomfort, fugue states and difficulty sitting still..not "doing" something. All of which make it hard to care for one's self properly. Which can piss one off at one's self...which can lead to Depression, anxiety...oof.

This is Not Good. or at least...not working.

So..today I am moving my mind toward practicing this each day. Somehow, some where, practicing allowing of my thoughts instead of stuffing.

Thank you to the friend who spoke of allowing the other day, and who is bravely allowing what seem to me difficult thoughts, and questions to arise. I hope I will be that brave.

More about change

1) Adelene mentioned something that rings true...Brain bits will stop torturing you when they are assured that they are heard (how I remember it, not necessarily what she said or meant).

2) I've done alot of changing since February. (I'm terribly grateful for it) The most important things are that while I still am not sleeping 8 hours a night..I'm not waking up anxious. I feel much more at home with myself, less itchy in my "self" and in my body. I'm much more willing to allow than to overthink a problem. I'm not better at anything, I don't think...but I'm happier to be flawed than I was.

3)I think that the 9 seconds have helped..in the little bits I've done them..but more than that it's been the attitudes and ideas I've taken onboard that have been helpful. Poor Sweetie has been trying and trying for years to teach me things I couldn't hear...and this crowd has been able to explain.